When I first started getting seriously into the fitness scene, I was totally immersed in it. I would say it was a defining factor of who I was. I would NEVER skip a workout. I followed every fitness guru I could find on Twitter/Instagram/Facebook. I was part of the “fitfam.” (The casual term for the fitness community on social media.)
I posted progress photos, drank protein shakes like it was my religion, and looked forward to beating my PR every time I got in the gym.
Over time I settled into a more relaxed outlook on fitness, which led me to my angle which now is more involved with doing what is best for ME and not what I SHOULD be doing necessarily, and working out for more than just aesthetic reasons.
And you know, at this point in my life, I obviously consider fitness and working out to be an essential part of life. But- I don’t think being a “fit person” is a defining factor of who I “am” if that makes sense. Maybe it was at one point.
You see- over the past few years I’ve made some huge transitions in life and had some moments where I was unsure of who I was and what I wanted to be or do in life. I took on some side careers, got really invested in weightlifting- and thought at one point I wanted to compete in some way in the fitness realm, even. I think I was honestly really uncertain about my career path and gravitated towards that as it was something I could control and that I was excelling in, you know?
But for those of you that know me solely through my fitness lens may be surprised to know that I’ve actually been an actress for most of my whole life. Since I was 7 years old I’ve absolutely loved singing and acting- and my degree is actually in Theatre Performance! But let me tell you- the life of a professional actor is NOT an easy one. It goes without saying that rejection is rampant, insecurity seethes below the surface and it isn’t hard to have these thoughts, like- “What the heck am I even doing?!”
I’m grateful to have had some wonderful opportunities in my career so far- such as apprenticing at a Shakespeare playhouse and doing some educational children’s theatre, touring elementary schools with a show that, ironically, talks about eating healthy!
But even amid that, it was so easy to get lost in the shuffle. To take each rejection as an indication that “I just am not good enough.” I got a little jaded. I put acting in the back of my head. I threw myself into my new jobs I had- web design, helping with healthy lifestyle coaching with my husband, becoming a thermography technician, etc.
But you know what- in the back of my head- I missed singing. I missed musicals. So. Much. But for whatever reason- it just wasn’t in the cards for me. And I was ok with it for a bit. But it wouldn’t quit gnawing at me in the back of my head.
So I continued to audition for musicals. And- would continue to get rejected. (I honestly blame it on my less-than-ideal auditioning skills. I’m definitely a “blossom in tech week” type of actor, haha.) But working with a dear friend of mine who is also an amazing voice teacher this time really paid off- and I finally got cast in my first musical in YEARS- The Addam’s Family Musical! And not only that, but I’m one of the leads, Wednesday. An extremely vocally challenging role for me (Hello, belting high Es!) which definitely put the pressure on- but has been a huge blessing for me because throughout the process, I realized something. That this is what I’ve been missing. This is it, man.
It’s been an amazing feeling. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for this show right now because it’s just more than playing a part- it really opened my eyes back up to what my true passions are and where I belong.
Today is our last performance of our Opening Weekend (We run until mid August! Ticket info here if you’re interested) and I was just thinking to myself, man- I’ve worked out like one time in the past 2 weeks. But I don’t even care. Honestly, the last 2 weeks have also been pretty tiring with our tech week and my body is taking a toll so I’ve had to listen to it.
But I was also realizing- that excited feeling I get before I get to go to rehearsal, or perform- I don’t get that before going to do my workouts.
The adrenaline of nailing your song and having the audience literally whoop and holler afterwards- to me that FEELS BETTER than most anything in the world! Because you know that all of the hard work you’ve done, all the people involved to make that one moment come alive from the page to the stage- to make the audience just enjoy that moment- nobody is on their phones, people are living in the moment WITH YOU right there- it’s just powerful. Truly powerful. And it’s something I’m so grateful to be able to experience.
Also- making friendships, connecting with others over this crazy theatre world and feeling like you can be yourself on all accounts- there’s just nothing like it.
So I haven’t worked out in over 2 weeks. But I’m ok with that.
I’m excited to see where life takes me in the future, and how this blog evolves over time. I am so grateful, also, to all of you that find encouragement through this blog and I hope you will continue to do so even though it may not be 100% fitness oriented at times. 🙂
I want everyone to realize that your passions are REAL. And it’s ok if you find new ones, and it’s ok if you come back to old ones over time. Never put yourself in a box, and ever ignore the things that call to you under the surface. It’s really important. And of course- never let your quest for having “the perfect body” overrule your life. It’s not worth it.